chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
