Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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