literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My life is pants optional.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
