Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
