apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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