And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
