:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
