Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
