I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
