well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
