i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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