okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
