My friends, they love my intelligence
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
even my farts smell like vagina
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need to calm my uterus...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
