About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
