i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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