woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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