I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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