So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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