So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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