i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
