Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We left the knife in your bed.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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