im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize