Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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