That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
