it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
