Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
