His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
