literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
