Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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