ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
