I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I want to stick my p in your. b.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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