my sisters under your porch take her home
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
