it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
