we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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