once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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