Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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