Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
