Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
