I can tuck mytits in my pants
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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