i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
