The maid of honor just puked.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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