Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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