The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
