I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
