Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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