From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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