He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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