Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
