Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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