how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize