her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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