woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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