so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
