my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
