Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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