i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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