It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
