whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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