he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
