People in love make me want to vomit
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
