I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
