I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
