I'm gonna have a badass scar
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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