can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We are two peas in an std pod
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
