we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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